Fic, FAITHFUL, Ch. 24/50?, "The Steaming-Hot Interrogation"

Story: Faithful
Author: Love! Slash! Angst! loveslashangst
Beta: the well-caffeinated ophymirage
Characters: Captain Jack Harkness, Captain John Hart, Ianto Jones
Rated: Adult for slash, bisexuality, mature content, language, violence, Hearst-level-decadent bathrooms, and lots and lots of sex (multiple pairings/groupings)
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, 'cause if I did there would be no doubt who Jack came back for, Gwen would stick with the man who loves her, we'd have regular doses of Unexpected!John, and everyone would cheer the f*** up.
Spoilers: AU. If you haven't seen the first two series of Torchwood, you WILL be spoilered. I like to mess with canon, especially when it pisses me off. The PROLOGUE takes place right after "Countrycide" in series 1. The rest of the story, from Chapter 1 on, takes place about three weeks after "Exit Wounds", the end of Series 2.
Summary: Torchwood OT3 ZOMG! Jack/John/Ianto. The Rift is active, the Weevils are acting weird, and Captain John Hart is back in town. Let the crack-tastic smut ensue. I think there's a happily ever after in here somewhere, but until then, enjoy the insanity.

BETA'S NOTE: So, in re-coding old entries, I had occasion to ride the Way-Back Machine on our sister IJ site, and realized that LSA and I had hit an anniversary of sorts. On 1/5/08, I set up an LJ feed for her IJ - "the first time I ever intervened on LJ to setup something related to your fic." Dearest LSA: Happy 1 year of an awesome writing/betaing partnership - for whom else could I spend the SAME evening alternately researching Victorian plumbing components and the Blitz in Cardiff?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: They say if you're gonna steal, steal big, so there are some oblique (and not so oblique) references in this chapter. Have fun finding them -- I'll come clean and cite my sources in the next chapter. [I will be seriously curious to see if anyone gets ALL of them. -O]

Now, as I said in a reply to a comment in the previous chapter, because one of my Cardinal Rules of Smut is that no good porn is complete without a good shower scene...

On with the show...

"You're the cream in my coffee
You're the salt in my stew
You'll always be my necessity
"I'd be lost without you...

"You give life savour,
Bring out its flavour
So this is clear, dear
You're my Worcestershire, dear.

"You're the sail of my love boat
You're the captain and crew
You'll always be my necessity
I'd be lost without you."
(Marlene Dietrich)

(In which John is Captain, Ianto is First Mate, Jack is Shipwright, and Gwen is the Figurehead... and in which LSA should be congratulated for not making a "poop deck" joke.)

(O, "Who's the Cabin Boy?")
(LSA, "Rhys of course.)
(Owen *breathes a sigh of relief*)
(LSA, "See? Now aren't you glad they killed you off before I could play with you?")
(Owen *ignores LSA and goes back to enjoying his afterlife*)

( CHAPTER 24: The Steaming-Hot Interrogation )

Link to previous Faithful!Verse stories

Crossposted to jackxianto, torchwoodslash