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Story: Fifty Things Captain Jack Harkness Learnt While Planning a Three-Way Wedding
Author: Love!Slash!Angst!![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
loveslashangst
Characters: Captain Jack Harkness, Rose Tyler, Ninth Doctor,
Rated: PG-13ish for implied three-ways, bisexual groupings, slams against Jackie Tyler and Mickey Smith, severe silliness and OT3 (Rose/Nine/Jack) cuteness.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, because aqua bridesmaids' dresses should clearly only exist in alternate/parallel realities.
Spoilers: AU. If you hadn’t guessed that already.
Summary: This of course follows "Dancing Lessons". Don't ask me how it fits into canon's timeline. I have no clue.
Author's Note: This was supposed to be pure crack, but then it went fluffy and sweet. Think of this as a teaser for "Encore". ENJOY!
1) After seeing the Powell Estates, Jack finally understands why nothing seems to scare Rose.
2) And why she’s willing to chuck it all to be with the Doctor and him.
3) And why they are definitely NOT having the service on early twenty-first century Earth. (Talk about provincial.)
4) Oh dear God, Jackie Tyler is actually worse than the Doctor warned.
5) The only thing worse than being harangued for three hours by Rose’s mum for being an “irresponsible pervert” is being sexually harassed by Rose’s mum for being “a bit of all right”.
6) Especially when the Doctor is both amused and unhelpful. (Bastard’s just glad he’s not the only one in the line of fire anymore.)
7) Do not turn your back on Rose’s mum unless you want bruises on your ass for days. (Though it’s almost worth it just to see Rose turn that shade of pink.)
8) The Doctor has a pervy and opportunistic sense of humour when it comes to having a quick three-way shag in inappropriate places. (Man after Jack’s own heart.)
9) Rose seems to get off on the fact that the walls of the flat are paper thin.
10) The Doctor can be very creative when it comes to explaining away the noises to annoyed neighbours.
11) And in their defence, he and Rose did disinfect the countertops once the three of them were done. (At least... the first time.)
12) If the Doctor and Rose’s respective libidos keep this up, Jack may need to invest in one of those self-renewing disinfectant cloths he saw on Tau Seti.
13) Not that he’s complaining.
14) And while he might like to see the look on Jackie Tyler’s face when she finds out how many different parts of the flat he, Rose, and the Doctor have christened while she was gone, he would prefer to see it on the TARDIS’s view screen.
15) From orbit.
16) And preferably in a century where that appalling manicure can’t reach him.
17) The Doctor was right about Mickey Smith too. (“Idiot” is generous.)
18) After about five minutes of listening to Mickey whine about the loss of his beard, Jack decides he may help the Doctor with his clever plan to shut the Idiot up. (Though Rose better not find out what they’re up to or both of them will be dead.)
19) Rose’s other friends, however, are delightful.
20) And the clubbing is a riot. (Good thing he’s engaged to be married or he’d cut a wide swathe through the London of this era.)
21) The Doctor doesn’t do techno.
22) Though he finds the glow-sticks and phosphorescent body paint oddly amusing.
23) And watching Rose and Jack bump and grind for a few hours is apparently more than a little bit of a turn-on for him. (Won’t Jack feel THAT shag tomorrow?)
24) Rose is even more clueless than the Doctor about how to plan a wedding.
25) And both of them have horrific taste in formal wear.
26) No, they are not putting Shareen in day-glow aqua.
27) And no, putting on a clean jumper does not constitute “dressing for the occasion.”
28) And he will commit hari-kiri before he allows Rose to put that many ruffles on that few people.
29) When push comes to shove, Jack actually CAN out-stubborn Rose.
30) Especially because (even fully clothed) he knows about fifteen different ways to distract her with a good orgasm.
31) The Doctor finds this endlessly entertaining.
32) And after the first fight, looks forward to helping Jack “convince” Rose when she’s being too unreasonable.
33) Is it just Jack, or is their beloved Time Lord intentionally goading Rose just to enjoy the makeup sex?
34) Not that he’s complaining.
35) And he really shouldn’t be surprised when the Doctor enlists Rose to “convince” him that having Shakespeare speak at the wedding is not a completely insane idea.
36) Writing vows is actually a lot harder than you’d think. (How do you put that much emotion into that few words?)
37) “I want to love you both forever” seems hopelessly clichéd.
38) And inadequate.
39) And when Rose corners him about it, the fight doesn’t feel fun anymore. (He really didn’t mean to be that defensive.)
40) Strange to have the Doctor as the voice of reason.
41) And even stranger to have The Bard himself offer up a bit of advice for how to turn the right phrases in the right ways.
42) The Doctor may have lousy taste in tuxes, but he has spectacular taste in locations. (The evening vista of three slivered moons in a pale lavender sky over softly-wooded mountains takes Jack’s breath away.)
43) Despite the Doctor’s assurances, it DOES in fact rain during the Dry Time.
44) It rains fluorescent blue and green during the Dry Time.
45) Sideways.
46) Jackie Tyler is actually a godsend at a wedding. (Who knew a woman that shrill could have that level a head in an emergency?)
47) And thank God Jack insisted they have an alternate, indoor location.
48) While they’re mostly able to save Rose’s gown, Shareen ends up day-glow aqua despite Jack’s most heroic measures.
49) Once the service resumes, Billy the Bard seems to enjoy his part in their “midsummer night’s dream”.
50) And in the end, the only tears shed are happy ones.
Author: Love!Slash!Angst!
loveslashangstCharacters: Captain Jack Harkness, Rose Tyler, Ninth Doctor,
Rated: PG-13ish for implied three-ways, bisexual groupings, slams against Jackie Tyler and Mickey Smith, severe silliness and OT3 (Rose/Nine/Jack) cuteness.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, because aqua bridesmaids' dresses should clearly only exist in alternate/parallel realities.
Spoilers: AU. If you hadn’t guessed that already.
Summary: This of course follows "Dancing Lessons". Don't ask me how it fits into canon's timeline. I have no clue.
Author's Note: This was supposed to be pure crack, but then it went fluffy and sweet. Think of this as a teaser for "Encore". ENJOY!
1) After seeing the Powell Estates, Jack finally understands why nothing seems to scare Rose.
2) And why she’s willing to chuck it all to be with the Doctor and him.
3) And why they are definitely NOT having the service on early twenty-first century Earth. (Talk about provincial.)
4) Oh dear God, Jackie Tyler is actually worse than the Doctor warned.
5) The only thing worse than being harangued for three hours by Rose’s mum for being an “irresponsible pervert” is being sexually harassed by Rose’s mum for being “a bit of all right”.
6) Especially when the Doctor is both amused and unhelpful. (Bastard’s just glad he’s not the only one in the line of fire anymore.)
7) Do not turn your back on Rose’s mum unless you want bruises on your ass for days. (Though it’s almost worth it just to see Rose turn that shade of pink.)
8) The Doctor has a pervy and opportunistic sense of humour when it comes to having a quick three-way shag in inappropriate places. (Man after Jack’s own heart.)
9) Rose seems to get off on the fact that the walls of the flat are paper thin.
10) The Doctor can be very creative when it comes to explaining away the noises to annoyed neighbours.
11) And in their defence, he and Rose did disinfect the countertops once the three of them were done. (At least... the first time.)
12) If the Doctor and Rose’s respective libidos keep this up, Jack may need to invest in one of those self-renewing disinfectant cloths he saw on Tau Seti.
13) Not that he’s complaining.
14) And while he might like to see the look on Jackie Tyler’s face when she finds out how many different parts of the flat he, Rose, and the Doctor have christened while she was gone, he would prefer to see it on the TARDIS’s view screen.
15) From orbit.
16) And preferably in a century where that appalling manicure can’t reach him.
17) The Doctor was right about Mickey Smith too. (“Idiot” is generous.)
18) After about five minutes of listening to Mickey whine about the loss of his beard, Jack decides he may help the Doctor with his clever plan to shut the Idiot up. (Though Rose better not find out what they’re up to or both of them will be dead.)
19) Rose’s other friends, however, are delightful.
20) And the clubbing is a riot. (Good thing he’s engaged to be married or he’d cut a wide swathe through the London of this era.)
21) The Doctor doesn’t do techno.
22) Though he finds the glow-sticks and phosphorescent body paint oddly amusing.
23) And watching Rose and Jack bump and grind for a few hours is apparently more than a little bit of a turn-on for him. (Won’t Jack feel THAT shag tomorrow?)
24) Rose is even more clueless than the Doctor about how to plan a wedding.
25) And both of them have horrific taste in formal wear.
26) No, they are not putting Shareen in day-glow aqua.
27) And no, putting on a clean jumper does not constitute “dressing for the occasion.”
28) And he will commit hari-kiri before he allows Rose to put that many ruffles on that few people.
29) When push comes to shove, Jack actually CAN out-stubborn Rose.
30) Especially because (even fully clothed) he knows about fifteen different ways to distract her with a good orgasm.
31) The Doctor finds this endlessly entertaining.
32) And after the first fight, looks forward to helping Jack “convince” Rose when she’s being too unreasonable.
33) Is it just Jack, or is their beloved Time Lord intentionally goading Rose just to enjoy the makeup sex?
34) Not that he’s complaining.
35) And he really shouldn’t be surprised when the Doctor enlists Rose to “convince” him that having Shakespeare speak at the wedding is not a completely insane idea.
36) Writing vows is actually a lot harder than you’d think. (How do you put that much emotion into that few words?)
37) “I want to love you both forever” seems hopelessly clichéd.
38) And inadequate.
39) And when Rose corners him about it, the fight doesn’t feel fun anymore. (He really didn’t mean to be that defensive.)
40) Strange to have the Doctor as the voice of reason.
41) And even stranger to have The Bard himself offer up a bit of advice for how to turn the right phrases in the right ways.
42) The Doctor may have lousy taste in tuxes, but he has spectacular taste in locations. (The evening vista of three slivered moons in a pale lavender sky over softly-wooded mountains takes Jack’s breath away.)
43) Despite the Doctor’s assurances, it DOES in fact rain during the Dry Time.
44) It rains fluorescent blue and green during the Dry Time.
45) Sideways.
46) Jackie Tyler is actually a godsend at a wedding. (Who knew a woman that shrill could have that level a head in an emergency?)
47) And thank God Jack insisted they have an alternate, indoor location.
48) While they’re mostly able to save Rose’s gown, Shareen ends up day-glow aqua despite Jack’s most heroic measures.
49) Once the service resumes, Billy the Bard seems to enjoy his part in their “midsummer night’s dream”.
50) And in the end, the only tears shed are happy ones.
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