Interview meme: KelticBanshee interviews John Hart

[loveslashangst]

kelticbanshee took me up on the interview meme from Friday, and requested five (O: “Four, sir.”) four questions of John Hart. Fortunately, he’s been well-shagged recently, and is in a genial mood, so ask away…

Hart *graceful vault into chair*
Hart *plops booted heels onto table and settles into seat, hands behind head*

Q: First impressions on Ianto Jones? Come on, spill the beans, all the details.



A: Ianto Jones. Lovely boy. Snappy dresser. Could use a tan if he wouldn’t spontaneously combust in sunlight. (It’s a Welsh thing; comes of a thorough lack of solar radiation of any kind, and most especially the direct kind.)

Back to the point. First impressions. “Ooh, that’s shaggable.” “I guess now we know where Jack’s been keeping his dick.” and… erm… To Jack directly, “Yes. WHY would you choose that over the hot Japanese girl? Yes, she’s a bit on the mousy side, but you’re the one taught me still waters run deep and she’s clearly up for it, not that I fault her for taste, seeing as she rightly thought I was cute.” That said, I had to give Ianto credit for sheer moxie in the lift. Not often someone will charge a pulse pistol aimed between the eyes. I think that’s when he first caught my attention really -- gave me a hint that maybe there was more there than just a lovely arse in a handsome suit. (e.g. the Eye Candy)

Q: First impressions on Jack (and the team) at the infamous Bar Reunion?

A: Oh, God, you would ask me that. Well, Jack looked thoroughly overfed -- comes of being well-shagged by the boy who arranges all the food and drink, I suppose. Figured we’d kick sand at each other for a bit, have a bit of rough and tumble, then segue into the other kind of rough and tumble. Everything was going so well (always did love a good bit of wanton, sexually-charged vandalism) until he comes at me with the “I want you out of my territory” line. Brassed me off, right and proper. Here I am, leaning in for a very well-deserved snog and he starts playing the territorial card?

Jack is many things -- most of them fun -- but territorial was never one of them. I seem to recall having to fight him off with a stick for about two years in the Time Loop. Anyway, that was my first indication that the Jack I knew and loved was in serious danger of becoming Boring and Predictable. (Well, more predictable than usual anyway.)

Gwen. Oh dear God, the high maintenance. The kind of woman you shag once, then she follows you around for the rest of your life, pretending she doesn’t want another helping. Do Not Touch With Ten Foot Pole. Nice eyes, though. And rather fetching when she’s all butch and playing at being a cop.

Owen. One of my favourite kinds of conquests -- the closeted bottom. Someone who’s so desperate not to lose control in bed that he just has to go around, beating people about the head with his cock. Might be a lovely cock -- sadly, I never had the opportunity to find out -- but I have a feeling there’s not quite as much of it as he’d like. Poor boy could really use a good fuck in which he didn’t have to do the driving, if you catch my meaning. As it was, if he were wound any tighter, not even Jack could shag him relaxed. Also rather fetching when he’s being butch in front of Tosh.

Tosh. Lovely little thing. I’d tap that in a minute. (Still waters and all that.) Of the team, I figured she’d be the easiest to manipulate. And after that warm reception, the thought did cross my mind that -- were I free to pursue some recreation -- it’d be fun to show her mods 15 through 30. (As a fellow technophile, I figured she’d get a kick out of number 25.)

Q: What crossed your mind as you pushed Jack off the roof?

A: “Die, you stupid bastard.” Sorry, not very deep when I’m well pissed. Mostly I was annoyed that he’d become Boring and Predictable, with a side of Martyr Complex and Faux Authority. The Jack I knew would’ve leapt at the chance to get off this provincial backwater planet, especially if there were the promise of shagging with someone who knows how and knows him.

Q: When/Why/How did Jack disappear from your life?

A: *deep sigh* Oh, that’s a tough one. There’s the quick answers, and the not so quick answers. I have a feeling LSA’s got the whole sturm-und-drang thing planned out for the future chapters of that little (or not so little) story of hers, so we’ll stick to the short answers. Jack left shortly after I introduced him to my family. We went home for a bit of Machiavellian meet-and-greet, he made an arse of himself, ran off, and embarrassed us both badly enough that I didn’t try to stop him when he left for good. That would’ve been just a few weeks after the Time Loop, which was… erm… maybe three years ago, linear time? (Personal time line gets a bit murky after a few dozen jumps, especially if you surf the Vortex while stoned.)

Why did Jack leave? Because he’s a clueless, unfaithful, shitkicking outworlder who wouldn’t know a good catch if it hung him up in zero-G and shagged him unconscious?

Not that I’m bitter.

How did he leave? Suddenly. He was just gone. We’ll get there, I think, and it does get a bit complicated. Let’s just leave it that I didn’t take it well.

Unfortunately, I never quite got over him, which got me into a world of hurt. On the plus side, it’s also caused some very serious and very good changes in my life. (Again, we’ll get there.)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a war to win.