Interview meme: mysterypoet66 interviews the symbionts!

[loveslashangst]

mysterypoet66 sent me a PM detailing her questions for the interview meme, so we've coaxed the boys into a biomorphic field resonating chamber to shut them up long enough to yield the floor to John Hart's Worm (JHW for short) and Ianto's Future Symbiont (also known as "Perky!Worm" or PW for short).

Q: What do you like most/least about your hosts?



JHW: Most? He's always consuming something interesting. [LSA: "Read 'lethal'."] Keeps me on my toes. The sheer quantity of sex hormones is fun too. Someone's always trying to shag him or kill him. Good times. Least? His on-again/off-again sense of self-preservation. Involves a lot of running on his part and the synthesis of a whole lot of endorphins on my part.

PW: Most? The coffee. I LOVE coffee! NO ONE makes better coffee than my wonderful host Ianto. No one in the whole of space and time and it's such a rare skill to have on account of how rare coffee is in our home time--

JHW: Timeline.

PW: What? Oh. Right. Sorry. Erm... I have no further comment at this time.

JHW: And least?

PW: Least? There is no least. Ianto's totally perfect in almost every way. He's so sweet and loving and good and... well... he does kind of roll his eyes a lot, but that hurts him more than it does me, so that's not really a bad thing when you think about all the other things that might be wrong with a host. Really, I'm a very lucky symbiont, and since he and I see eye-to-eye when it comes to family and children --

JHW: Timeline.

PW: Sorry. Erm... He can be cranky before his first coffee of the day.

JHW: And how early do you have to get up for that?

PW: *blankly* "Get" up?

Q: If you communicate with each other, what do you talk about?

PW: Oh, I TOTALLY have to answer this one, see because symbionts are so rare in our time. We're really expensive, especially well-engineered top-of-the-line models like JHW and me. We talk about life and the universe and thoughts and feelings...

JHW: *longsuffering* And shoes.

PW: I LOVE SHOES!

JHW: *sotto voce* I know.

PW: It's just that humans are so interesting and different from us, what with the bilateral physiology and those fascinating appendages, and again I'm just the luckiest in the world to be in someone as fantastic as Ianto. Full-blooded humans are pretty rare. Even Gianni is only mostly human.

JHW: 97%.

PW: 96.37649%, to be precise. But really, JHW and I are the best of friends and we talk about just EVERYTHING! JHW even takes all the Cosmos quizzes with me!

JHW: *pointed and slightly desperate silence*

Q: What do you do to keep busy while your hosts are keeping each other occupied, i.e. shagging each other senseless?

PW: *would blush prettily, if she were human and if symbionts had visible external emotional reactions* Erm... well...

JHW: It's complicated.

PW: Yes, complicated.

JHW: Very complicated.

PW: And we would never intrude on their privacy. It's a sacred trust between human and symbiont.

JHW: Not to mention that piping up at the wrong moment is a very good way to get yourself surgically removed and processed.

PW: But being in Ianto is good. My host is really wonderful... and sweet... and nice, he's so nice...

JHW: And being in John can be very good.

PW: That's true! When Gianni's in a good mood, he can be a lot of fun sometimes. And... erm...

JHW: Calculations.

PW: Oh yes! And trajectories and references and numbers and data and all sorts of...

JHW: Worm stuff.

PW: And we certainly wouldn't think of intruding on their private affairs.

JHW: Well. Unless we're invited.

PW: SHHHHHHHHHHH!

Q: What do you think about the humans of Torchwood?

JHW: I do rather like Ianto. Good head on his shoulders. Doesn't panic easily. Jack's nice enough. Gianni doesn't think much of him, but that can't be helped.

PW: Gianni doesn't think much of anyone. I guess he can be kind of mean sometimes, but at least he's funny when he does it. And he always teases Ianto because I like stuff, but I know he likes to spoil Ianto and me. And Ianto loves him so much it's just terribly romantic because they've known each other -- well, sort of -- for like all of Ianto's life which means they're just MEANT for each other.

JHW: *would eyeroll if it had eyes* Gianni met Ianto when Ianto was 18. Jack's known about him since he was 12. Jack also fought for Ianto's life and freedom -- give him some credit.

PW: Oh, and I LOOOOVE Jack because he’s just so BEAUTIFUL. And HE understands the shoe thing -- really does look lovely in some of them and he'll wear them more than Ianto will -- I think they hurt Ianto's feet. Oh, and he bought me a COACH PURSE because he loves Ianto and wanted to make me happy. And I know that Ianto pretends he doesn't like it, but he carries it with him just everywhere and uses it to cart stuff around and even when Gianni or Rhys teases him about it, he claims that he does it for me, but I know for a fact that he likes it because when Gwen told him how fetching it looked, he was preening on the inside, even though he joked about it.

JHW: That's true; Gwen grows on you. She's got a weird maternal instinct that comes out at the oddest times.

PW: OH! I noticed that too. She's so sweet to Ianto. I think she thinks that he's like her baby brother, which is terribly sweet because he's not used to being anyone's baby brother and as I understand from all the vital records downloaded with my initial investure, a solid and loving family life is absolutely crucial to proper human emotional well-being.

JHW: Thus explaining Gianni's family.

PW: And Rhys... Erm... Hmm... Is Rhys part of Torchwood?

JHW: Not sure. He's something of a hanger-on.

PW: OH! Like PC Andy?

JHW: Something like.

PW: We like all the humans fine.

JHW: *confidingly* When you rely on humans to survive, you learn to appreciate -- or at least tolerate -- any number of personality quirks. Comes with the job, really.

Q: What are your favorite meals?

JHW: Strychnine. Clovian Deathroot. Those heavenly lethal mushrooms Jack always has on hand. Straight morphine is fun, though not much of a challenge. And no matter how hard he's tried, Gianni has yet to out-drink me. (That is to say, I can process faster than he can imbibe.)

PW: And the Spicy Prawn.

JHW: Ooooooooooooooooooooooh. Yes, can't forget those, now can we? Amazing things, so hot only Jack and John can stand them. If I've been really good, I get prawns.

PW: Favourite foods... Favourite foods... Oh. I don't know. Ianto's so careful, it's really hard to say. Every so often he has "lager", but that's not really much of a challenge. I wish he fancied a decent whiskey.

JHW: Or really bad moonshine.

PW: OOH! I heard that's good. Hmmm. I do have a taste for caffeine, though. The coffee variant has such a lovely flavour. And really, Ianto's lucky to have had me put in before he could do serious, lasting nerve damage to himself. When the Igors--

JHW: Don't call them that.

PW: I'm sorry. When Gianni's cousins downloaded the information on Ianto, I'd thought they were exaggerating when they said, "He lives on coffee."

JHW: They're not.

PW: No, they're really not. I mean. It's insane. Good for me, but I keep having to adjust the acidity levels of his body.

JHW: You adjust the acidity levels of your host's body?

PW: My function is to maintain optimal levels of the host body, to provide data-processing and strategic information--

JHW: I keep forgetting how new you are. Nevermind.

PW: *huffy* And I suppose you don't adjust levels in your host's body?

JHW: I don't do anything unless directly commanded. He IS a di Cuore after all.

PW: *sullen silence cedes the point*

BONUS QUESTION: "What do worms talk about during sex?"

PW: *blankly* Talk?

JHW: If you're capable of talking, you're doing it wrong.