Fic, Night Watch, 4/4: "Missing Time"

[loveslashangst]

Story: Night Watch
Author: The fresh-from-fun-Halloween loveslashangst
Beta: The madly-knitting ophymirage
Characters: Ianto Jones, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper; Agents Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Director Walter Skinner
Rated: Adult for slash, innuendo, adult themes and adult content. Yeah, this is kinda what you came for. (Pun intended.)
Disclaimer: If I were the BBC, Torchwood would be late-night-cable-worthy. If I were Fox, seasons 7-9 would not have happened. Ergo...
Spoilers: Pre "Exit Wounds"? Honestly, it's AU. If there was a crossover this was spoiling, it would be awesome. :D
Summary: X-Files Meets Torchwood. Yeah, that's gonna go well.

Okay, so here’s the dealio…

O came out for a visit. Lots of fun stuff happened. [O sez: AWESOME CEMETERY for Halloween!!] I browbeat her into finally beta-ing this. [O sez: Seriously. There I was, all stuffed and sugared out from pizza and Halloween candy, and she guilted me. Then fell asleep on my shoulder while I was betaing.] We also hashed out chapters 35 and 36 of Faithful and plotted a bit of Venezia.

This is us, hard at work, to bring you fic:



NOTE: Because angelkitty reminded me, I figure I should clue you in about who's who:

O's in her jammies on the end. I'm the redhead in the more-or-less middle and on the end is my roommate ButMadNNW.

On with the show….



INT. THE MAKESHIFT LONE GUNMEN ROOM - SAME

An array of jury-rigged computers sprawl across the tables, along with papers, magazines, and the various empty pizza boxes and cases of Mountain Dew that you might expect from a pack of hackers and conspiracy nuts.

Tosh, like some nerdy Scarlett O’Hara, sits at the centre of her cluster of Lone Gunmen beaus. She points to the screen.

TOSH
There. He’s activated the Diffuser.

FROHIKE
Diffuser?

BYERS
Some kind of alien tech. For hiding infra-red signatures?

TOSH
(nodding)
And muffling noises and such. Also confuses the alarms.

LANGLY
Please tell me that was your idea?

TOSH
It was.

LANGLY
Gorgeous AND brilliant.

Preening, Tosh grins at Langly. He grins shyly back.

TOSH
The key is the frequency. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before.

LANGLY
(grinning stupidly)
Yeah. Nothing you’ve ever seen before.

Tosh hits a few more buttons. Pulls a handheld device from its charging cradle.

TOSH
There. Should be all synced up.

LANGLY
Syncing is good.

Frohike whacks Langly subtly in the back of the head.

LANGLY
(shakes himself)
So you can use this in the field?

TOSH
To track them down? Yes. Accurate to ten centimetres.

LANGLY
That’s pretty accurate.

Langly watches longingly as Tosh passes the handheld device to Byers.

TOSH
Jack should be calling any second.

BYERS
I thought he wanted to go it alone. Er, alone with Director Skinner.

TOSH
He probably meant to, but Jack tends to get himself into trouble.

LANGLY
And you get him out again.

Tosh shrugs, self-deprecating

TOSH
It’s just my job.

LANGLY
And you’re amazing… At it. The job. You’re amazing at your job.

TOSH
Thanks.

Amused at the exchange, Frohike gestures to Byers. He doesn’t notice.

FROHIKE
Hey, Byers. Can you help me in the other room? We… uh… need to familiarize ourselves with this equipment.

TOSH
I’d be glad to help.

FROHIKE
No. That’s okay. We can manage. You and Langly should stay here to…

BYERS
Monitor the connection. Keep it up. Er… both ends open and running. Working.

Frohike rolls his eyes while smiling politely at Tosh.

FROHIKE
Absolutely.

TOSH
Well, if you think…

FROHIKE
We do. We really, really do.

The two leave Langly and Tosh alone. Langly is gazing at Tosh, hopelessly smitten. The moment the door closes, Tosh fidgets, uncertain.

TOSH
Your friends are really nice.

LANGLY
What? Oh. Yeah. They’re all right.

Tosh dares a sideways look.

TOSH
You’re really nice too.

LANGLY
Well, it’s not every day one gets to be in the presence of a bona fide web goddess.

TOSH
(blushing)
I’m not a goddess.

LANGLY
After you posted the CIA hack? You are to me.

Emboldened, Tosh turns her chair to face him fully.

TOSH
How long d’you think your friends will be gone?

LANGLY
Dunno. Why?

Slowly and determinedly, Tosh climbs into Langly’s lap, straddling his hips. She drapes her arms over his shoulders. Leans in so her lips almost brush his.

LANGLY
(breathless)
Oh.

The kiss is innocent and intense at the same time. Heats up steadily. Langly caresses up Tosh’s back.

Tosh’s mobile goes off. Cursing, she checks it.

LANGLY
Who is it?

TOSH
No one who can’t wait.

LANGLY
But shouldn’t you--?

TOSH
Owen will get it.

She buries any further protests in a kiss. Within moments, Langly returns the snog with equal enthusiasm.

INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - SAME

Owen and Scully are bent low, examining the innards of an alien corpse.

OWEN
...that is clearly NOT a bronchial sac. Too much fluid. Have to check, but looks like a secondary stomach.

SCULLY
Secondary...? What does this guy need with two stomachs?

OWEN
What does a cow need with four? Different animals. Different diets. Different pathologies.

Owen reaches across Scully. Points to another portion of the corpse.

OWEN
Now if I may direct your attention to the right atrial folds, Dr. Scully--

A tongue depressor bounces off Owen's head.

OWEN
Oi! Having a consult with the nice lady doctor.

GWEN
Your "consult" looks a bit friendly, Owen.

Scully, fascinated, is poking at the place Owen indicated on the corpse.

SCULLY
This isn't even close to human.

Owen glares a warning at Gwen, who toss-catches another depressor in warning and glares right back.

OWEN
Five points to the lady doctor. Not human at all.

SCULLY
But that can't... What is it?

OWEN
Either an excellent forgery or some kind of cephalopoid. Pretty human-looking one. Have to ask Jack when he gets back.

SCULLY
Jack? You mean the captain guy? The one Director Skinner knew?

OWEN
Tall, flirty, ballsy bastard in a blue RAF coat? Yeah, that'll be Jack.

SCULLY
How do they know each other?

OWEN
Damned if I know, but -- knowing Jack -- smart money says sex.

SCULLY
Excuse me?

OWEN
Your boss. My boss. Shagging like rabbits.

SCULLY
Wha-- Director Skinner is straight…. He has a wife, for God's sake!

OWEN
Every bear needs a beard.

SCULLY
Every.... What? Look, I may not be a big follower of gay culture, but I think I'd... Ohhhhhhhh.

OWEN
"Ohhhh" what?

SCULLY
Nothing.

Scully turns back to the corpse

SCULLY
So you really think this is an alien?

OWEN
Of course it's an alien. Only question is what kind and what do you mean "ohhhh"?

SCULLY
Just... You seem very knowledgeable about... things...

OWEN
You think I'm gay?
(laughs)
Tell her, Gwen.

GWEN
(wide-eyed with feigned innocence)
Tell her what?

OWEN
Tell her about... you know... you and me.

GWEN
Oh, yes. Owen and I have been working together for the past... what is it? Six months? A year?

OWEN
Not that bit. The other thing.

GWEN
What other thing?

OWEN
The part where you and me...?

GWEN
What? Oh! Don't always get on. Oh, I'm sure the very clever lady doctor's figured that out already.

SCULLY
It's perfectly normal and healthy, Dr. Harper.

OWEN
I am not--! You--

Owen's glare promises Gwen "I'll get you for this."

Gwen blinks, feigning innocence.

Scully clears her throat pointedly.

SCULLY
Now if you don't mind, Dr. Harper, I'd really like your opinion on what this is.

Sullenly, Owen turns back to the corpse.

Owen’s mobile phone, which is over on the counter, buzzes.

OWEN
Could you get that, Gwen?

Gwen pauses, eying Scully, who’s distracted and fascinated by the corpse. Owen glares.

OWEN
I AM capable of keeping my hands to meself and besides…

He holds up his latex-gloved hands, which are dripping with alien slime.

OWEN
Not exactly equipped to cop a feel, now am I?

With a longsuffering sigh, a glare, and a pointed finger, Gwen snatches Owen’s mobile and goes out of the room to take the call.

Owen waggles his eyebrows at Scully.

OWEN
Alone at last.

SCULLY
This has to be some kind of…

Owen, back to business, moves closer.

OWEN
Circulatory organ, I think. Not a heart, though. Don’t think they have hearts. Or if they do, it’s a bunch of little ones instead of one big pump. More efficient, really.

SCULLY
Seriously, Dr. Harper. What am I looking at?

OWEN
Nothing scary. I’m still voting cephalopoid, though like I said, Jack’d know better ‘n me.

When Scully turns, she’s suddenly very close to Owen. His breath catches, but instead of making an ungentlemanly move, he backs up slightly.

Scully’s smile is genuine.

SCULLY
You’re full of surprises, Dr. Harper.

OWEN
“Owen” and I wouldn’t want to presume ‘cause I’m not gay and I fancy you. But I suppose you and that Mulder bloke…?

SCULLY
Partners, that’s all.

Owen strips off his gloves, steeling himself for rejection. Scully joins him. Strips off her gloves.

SCULLY
Thank you, Dr. Harper.

OWEN
“Owen”.

SCULLY
Owen. Your insights are remarkable. I’d like to consult you, if possible.

Owen half-smiles, then sobers. Sighs.

OWEN
Wish it were.

SCULLY
Your boss have something against working with other agencies?

OWEN
Yes and no. It’s complicated.

SCULLY
Well, if you ever can…

OWEN
Yeah. I’ll call.

They scrub up in a companionable silence. Owen dries his hands first. Offers Scully a fresh towel. She takes it.

SCULLY
You’re not what I thought you were.

OWEN
I get that a lot.

He starts to reach toward her.

GWEN
Owen!

Startled, Owen pulls back.

OWEN
What? What, what bloody what?!

GWEN
It’s Jack. He needs us. And I can’t find Ianto or Mulder anywhere.

OWEN
Did you check behind the file cabinets?

GWEN
Behind the…?

OWEN
(annoyed)
Oh, bloody hell.
(to Scully)
C’mon.

INT. MULDER’S OFFICE - SAME

Gwen, Owen, and Scully burst through the door.

GWEN
Ianto?

SCULLY
Mulder?

OWEN
Oi! Teaboy!

No answer. The room is silent. Annoyed, Owen opens the door to

THE FILE ARCHIVE

He checks behind the file cabinets. No one is there.

OWEN
Sod it. We’ll manage without them.

GWEN
(to Scully)
Any idea where Tosh and those other lads might’ve gone?

SCULLY
Yeah. This way.

Behind the door to the file archive, Ianto and Mulder are flat against the wall. Once Owen closes the door, they share a conspiratorial snicker. Then a kiss.

IANTO
That was close.

Mulder hums agreement. Presses Ianto to the wall. Kisses him deeply. Ianto returns the attention with interest.

Mulder sinks back to his knees.

Ianto gasps hard. Presses his wrist to his mouth to block the sounds Mulder is pulling from him.

INT. A CLOSET IN THE MANSION - SAME

Jack is expertly fellating Skinner, whose flush, even in the dark, betrays his mixed emotions. From one moment to the next he’s ecstatic, horrified, furious, the whole gamut of human emotion.

Jack’s free hand is in his own trousers, subtly but steadily wanking. He pulls off Skinner long enough to lick two fingers. Draws Skinner to the root of his cock, making him gasp. Reaches back between Skinner’s legs. Barely brushes…

Skinner’s eyes fly open. He shoves Jack away roughly.

SKINNER
Don’t even think about it.

Skinner spins Jack around, yanks his trousers down. Skinner spits on two fingers, shoving them in a few times, a rough warm-up. Impatient, he grabs his own cock.

SKINNER
I hate you.

Despite the rough treatment, Jack is grinning.

JACK
I know.

Skinner slides in hard. Jack hisses, a flush of pleasure flitting over his cheeks. He braces on the wall as Skinner starts to thrust.

JACK
We’re… going… to get... caught.

SKINNER
Shut the fuck up, Captain.

Grinning in the dark, Jack bites his lip. Begins to moan. Skinner strips off his own tie, one-handed. Loops it over Jack’s head. Gags him with it.

SKINNER
I SAID, shut the fuck up, Harkness.

Jack, trying to disguise how much he’s enjoying this, leans on his arms as Skinner continues to fuck him.

OUTSIDE

Footsteps approach.

INSIDE

Skinner stops. Clamps a hand over Jack’s mouth. Pulls him up for a few breathless moments.

OUTSIDE

The footsteps retreat.

INSIDE
Jack laughs, muffled by his gag. Furious, Skinner starts to thrust again.

INT. OUTSIDE THE MAKESHIFT LONE GUNMEN ROOM - SAME

Frohike and Byers are leaning against the closed door, each trying to pretend he doesn’t hear the noises coming from inside the room. They are fiddling, overly casual, with the handheld device.

Byers tries to whistle nonchalantly. Gives it up when his tune starts to sync up with the rhythm of the rocking/squeaking coming from behind the door.

GWEN
There they are.

SCULLY
Sorry, I thought they were in the next lab down.

GWEN
So where’s Tosh?

OWEN
And the skinny blond bloke with the bad mullet?

Frohike and Byers trade a look.

OWEN
Oh, come off it! Time’s wasting.

GWEN
We need you to help us locate Jack.

FROHIKE
Yes. Of course. This should lead us straight to him. Them. Both of them.

There’s the sound of something being knocked to the floor inside. A throaty moan.

BYERS
Well. Come on. Time’s wasting.

OWEN
I just said that. Where’s Tosh?

Another thump. A rhythmic squeaking, like a rolling chair being abused.

FROHIKE
She and Langly are…

BYERS
Collaborating.

FROHIKE
Yes. They’ll support us from here. Keep a virtual eye on things.

BYERS
They’re both very good at surveillance.

FROHIKE
The best.

Scully, Gwen, and Owen all trade a dubious look, but follow Frohike and Byers as they lead the way down the hall.

INT. MULDER’S OFFICE - SAME

IN THE FILE ARCHIVE

A breathless Mulder and Ianto sprawl on the floor, panting and happy.

IANTO
Agent Mulder?

MULDER
Mmmm?

IANTO
I have a rather mean-spirited idea.

MULDER
I’m listening.

IANTO
We could always beat them to the mansion and pretend it’s their fault they didn’t find us.

MULDER
Evil.
(grins)
Let’s do it.

Both unsteady and laughing, they get to their feet. Straighten each other’s clothes.

IANTO
Thank you, by the way.

Mulder gives his trademark lazy smirk.

MULDER
Any time.

Both snatch coats and weapons from on/around the desk. Head for the door.

EXT. THE MANSION - LATER

Gwen, Scully, and Owen lay cover fire as Jack, Skinner, Frohike and Byers hot-foot it across the yard.

SKINNER
This better work.

JACK
It will work.
(taps headset)
Tosh. I hope to hell you’re listening, because I really need that fence down right now.

INT. THE MAKESHIFT LONE GUNMEN ROOM - SAME

Tosh and Langly are a mass of sweaty limbs and disheveled clothing.

TOSH
You should be a go, sir.

Langly cuddles closer. Tosh strokes his hair. Kisses his temple.

EXT. THE MANSION - SAME

Grinning, Jack picks up the pace. Skinner, grim-faced, hustles to catch up.

Ahead of them, the fence SIZZLES dark, a breach that the team should be able to scale.

A pair of security team members steps into view, right at the point where the fence has gone dark. Jack and Skinner skid to a halt.

SKINNER
Now what?

Ianto and Mulder subdue the security team members, surprising them from behind and disarming/dispatching them with gusto.

JACK
Ianto!

IANTO
Sir.

JACK
Thought you’d abandoned us.

IANTO
Never, sir, just… erm… heading them off at the pass.

JACK
Good timing.

IANTO
I pride myself on it.

Jack, Skinner, Frohike, Byers, Gwen, and Scully all scale the disarmed fence. Owen pauses before he goes over.

OWEN
Heading them off at the pass?

MULDER
(with an amiable grin)
That’s our story and we’re stickin’ to it.

SCULLY
C’mon, Owen!

Mulder and Ianto have matching raised eyebrows as they look back at Owen.

MULDER
Did she call you “Owen”, Dr. Harper?

IANTO
I believe she did.

OWEN
Oh shut up. Let’s go before we all get shot.

Chuckling knowingly, Ianto and Mulder follow Owen.

INT. MULDER'S OFFICE - LATER

Mulder, Scully, Skinner, Owen, and Gwen sit and stand in the office. Ianto is passing out coffee. While Skinner and Scully samples theirs gratefully, Owen and Gwen hold their mugs, but subtly avoid actually drinking.

As Ianto gives Jack his coffee, Jack scents the air. Raises an eyebrow at Ianto. Ianto blushes. Turns away to hand a mug to Mulder. Mulder’s smile is warm and winning. Ianto glows at the attention.

Skinner clears his throat pointedly.

SKINNER
Not interrupting anything, are we, Agent Mulder?

More self-conscious, Mulder focuses on his first sip of coffee. Is distracted by how good it is. Recovers.

MULDER
No, sir. So is everything resolved to your satisfaction?

SKINNER
Yeah. We got what we needed.

Jack hides his smirk in his coffee mug.

Frohike and Byers enter. Ianto hands cups of coffee to each of them as they pass.

JACK
So there it is. We got what we were looking for. Everything worked out great.

MULDER
(to Skinner)
Sir? What shall we do with the witnesses?

Skinner sips his coffee. Jack wraps his hands around his.

SKINNER
We're done here, actually, Agent Mulder.

JACK
And it's time for us to get going.

IANTO
Yes, sir.
(looks to Mulder)
I am sorry.

MULDER
No “sorry”s necessary.

IANTO
Thank you for your hospitality.

MULDER
My pleas….

Mulder falls onto his arms on the table, unconscious. Skinner's eyes roll into his head. Jack catches him. Eases him down into the chair Ianto had been sitting in. Frohike faints. Gwen makes a grab for Byers, who’s also slumping.

Owen tenderly catches Scully. Lays her down. His face is a mix of concern, regret, and anger.

JACK
Owen…

OWEN
Sod off, Jack.

Jack smiles, but makes no further objections.

Ianto is righting Mulder in his chair, a look of bittersweet affection on his face.

JACK
I went on the adventure, but you had all the fun.

Ianto scents Jack. Smirks.

IANTO
Not all.

Jack chucks Ianto on the shoulder.

JACK
Told you this would be fun.

Jack moves a little closer.

JACK
Don't suppose you're up for telling me all the juicy details?

IANTO
(smiling)
Perhaps when we get home, sir?

JACK
You’re going to make me tease it out of you.

IANTO
Always.

Ianto slips out of Jack's arms. Shoulders a tray with two more mugs.

IANTO
But first, I think Tosh and Langly could use some refreshment.

Jack kisses him deeply.

JACK
Devious .

IANTO
And aren't you glad?

JACK
Absolutely.


INT. THE MAKESHIFT LONE GUNMEN ROOM - SAME

Ianto and Jack pause at the door.

Tosh is tucking an unconscious Langly in. She’s fully dressed. She watches him sleep with regret.

JACK
You did the right thing.

Tosh nods.

IANTO
Sorry, Tosh.

TOSH
It's all right. He was really...

JACK
Nice?

TOSH
I was thinking "enthusiastic", but "nice" works too.

IANTO
What next, sir?

JACK
We go home. But this was a lot of fun.

OWEN
For you maybe.

Jack shrugs, happy.

JACK
And you never know. They might come in handy.

GWEN
How can they, if we’ve RetConned them?

JACK
A doctor, a paranormal investigator and their boss? You never know. Torchwood Three is a small team. Someday we might need some additional support. Or replacements.

OWEN
Replacements?

Chuckling, Jack leads them out.

OWEN (O.C)
No, seriously, Jack. What d’you mean replacements?

Ianto is the last one out. His regretful look melts into a smile when Mulder peeks an eye open.

Mulder mimes “call me”. Ianto nods. They share a final conspiratorial grin, then Mulder feigns being unconscious.

Ianto shuts the door.

FADE OUT