Fic, Night Watch, 2/4: "Abductions"

[loveslashangst]

Story: Night Watch
Author: The super-teacher loveslashangst
Beta: The half-employed ophymirage
Characters: Ianto Jones, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper; Agents Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Director Walter Skinner
Rated: PG-13 for language. May go up in later chapters, but probably not.
Disclaimer: If I were the BBC, Torchwood would be late-night-cable-worthy. If I were Fox, seasons 7-9 would not have happened. Ergo...
Spoilers: Pre "Exit Wounds"? Honestly, it's AU. If there was a crossover this was spoiling, it would be awesome. :D
Summary: X-Files Meets Torchwood. Yeah, that's gonna go well.

Okay, so here’s the dealio…

So I kinda sucked at the job I was theoretically hired for, but have been transferred to a new building (which was where I WANTED to work.) Everyone loves me. I get to teach for reals. Life is good.

And this IS part 2 of 3, and they ARE all written. Just so y’all don’t think I’m half-steppin’, and starting yet ANOTHER series. When we finish this, I’ll go back to Faithful, with a strong side of CoE and the Venezia smut. I DO want to have all my loose-end series finished before October. [O sez: She means the short series. There is no way on god's green earth we're finishing Faithful in the next two weeks, unless she has a TARDIS stashed somewhere I don't know about...]

That’s enough out of me.

On with the show…



The sound of RIFLES BEING SHOULDERED as Director Walter Skinner and about a dozen SWAT Guys surround Jack and his team.

OWEN
Shit.

Ianto, Jack, Owen, Gwen, and Tosh all put up their weapons with varying degrees of unwillingness. All put their hands on their heads, backs to the SWAT guys and Skinner.

SCULLY
How did you know where we were?

SKINNER
Not important.
(to Jack and team)
You are all under arrest on suspicion of breaking and entering, vandalism, and resisting arrest.

OWEN
Who's resisting?

SKINNER
Turn around slowly - hands on your heads - and kneel.

The Torchwood team obeys, again with a mix of reluctance or (in Owen's case) resentment.

When Skinner sees Jack's face, he does a double-take.

SKINNER
Captain Harkness?

JACK
Long time no see, Walter.

OWEN
And why are we not surprised?

SKINNER
That's Director Skinner, Captain.

JACK
Director Skinner. Authority looks good on you.

SKINNER
(to Mulder and Scully)
Cuff them, Agents.

Mulder and Scully borrow handcuffs from the commander of the SWAT Guys. Begin to handcuff Jack's team.

Mulder moves toward Jack, handcuffs ready.

SKINNER
Not him.

Mulder hides his puzzlement. Helps Scully herd Gwen and Owen toward Mulder's Car. The SWAT commander and his team herd Ianto and Tosh toward a military truck.

Skinner surveys the fence.

SKINNER
Thought I told you to lay off the alien tech before it got you in trouble.

JACK
Never was one for warnings.

Mulder, the last pair of handcuffs still at the ready, loiters. Skinner takes the handcuffs from him.

SKINNER
Thank you, Agent Mulder.

Mulder wavers, curious.

SKINNER
I said thank you, Agent Mulder. That will be all.

Mulder retreats with an apologetic half-smile.

Skinner handcuffs Jack. Jack lets him.

JACK
(to Skinner)
You look good.

SKINNER
You still look like trouble.

JACK
You know me.

SKINNER
Why are you here, Jack?

JACK
I can't let him keep it, Walter, and you know why.

SKINNER
I'm done covering for you.

JACK
I don't need you to cover, just let me make it go away. I can get it out of your hair. Permanently.

SKINNER
Not going to happen, and YOU know why.

JACK
There's no need to detain--

SKINNER
Why are you here, Jack?

JACK
The offer's still open, you know.

SKINNER
I will never want your help.

JACK
I deal with conditions like yours all the--

SKINNER
I said WHY are you HERE, Jack? I thought I'd made jurisdiction boundaries crystal clear.

JACK
Would you believe, “I wanted to see you”?

SKINNER
Cut the crap.

JACK
It's a Very Dangerous Alien Device. I won't bore you with the technical name, but let's leave it that it won't be invented on this planet for another good two- or three-hundred years. If the idiot who lives in that house figures out how to arm it, he will obliterate most of the Western Hemisphere. And that's not bullshit -- that's the truth.

SKINNER
Okay. And where did this Very Dangerous Alien Device come from?

JACK
My neck of the woods, probably. A few rogue elements are still unaccounted for, which is why my team is here. I'd need to see the actual device to verify its temporal signature.

SKINNER
There's no such thing as time travel, Jack.

JACK
Of course not.

Skinner sizes Jack up. Jack, expression neutral, waits.

SKINNER
You always were a nosy bastard.

Jack gives his signature lopsided grin

JACK
Part of my charm.

Skinner curses under his breath. Unlocks Jack's handcuffs.

JACK
Just like old times.

SKINNER
Shut up.

Skinner wrenches the cuffs off Jack's wrists. Pockets them.

SKINNER
Just so we're clear, this is just you and me. Your team waits back at headquarters. We are not allies. We are not working together. And once this is over, you and your team disappear and never come back.

JACK
I can't promise that.

SKINNER
What can you promise me?

JACK
Not to kiss and tell... in the metaphorical sense anyway.

SKINNER
Good enough.

Skinner heads for the fence. Jack doesn't follow. Stands, rubbing his wrists thoughtfully.

SKINNER
What now?

JACK
My people.

After a brief stalemate of looks, Skinner gets out his cell phone.

SKINNER
Agent Mulder? Yeah. Please tell the SWAT commander that the four members of Captain Harkness's team are to be transported back to FBI headquarters. They are no longer under arrest, but are to be held as Persons of Interest... I don't know. Keep them entertained until we get back. That's all.

Skinner snaps the phone shut.

Jack is smirking.

SKINNER
What?

JACK
Just enjoying seeing you in your natural environment.

SKINNER
C'mon. The sooner we start, the sooner we’re done.

JACK
Not if you do it right.

Skinner gives a chilly, warning glare.

JACK
Sorry. Lead on.

Skinner and Jack scale the fence, Skinner deceptively agile. Just as the duo hit the ground on the other side, the gismos short out. The fence re-arms.

JACK
Nice timing.

SKINNER
Part of my charm.

INT. MULDER'S CAR (STATIONARY/MOVING) - SAME

Mulder ducks back into the car. Closes the door.

SCULLY
What now?

MULDER
Home again, home again, jiggity jig.

He shifts the car into drive.

OWEN
Oi! Agents! Where are you taking us?

MULDER
Back to headquarters, apparently. We're supposed to entertain you as "Persons of Interest".

OWEN
Bloody fucking brilliant... Wait... Does being a "Person of Interest" involve being handcuffed?

MULDER
Not sure, but I don't think so.

OWEN
Good. Then your nice lady partner can take mine off as soon as we've arrived.

He settles back against the seat, satisfied. Beside him, Gwen looks at him with veiled amusement.

OWEN
What?

GWEN
Did I say anything?

OWEN
What, I'm sure her partner's very nice too.

In the front seat, Mulder and Scully exchange a brief look.

GWEN
You--

OWEN
Oh, like you're not looking at him.

GWEN
I wasn't either.

OWEN
Likely story.

GWEN
I have a boyfriend, Owen.

OWEN
Again with my name. What is with you people?

MULDER
Hey.

GWEN
What is it with me? What is it with you?

MULDER
Hey. Hey. Hey. Simmer down back there.

OWEN
You stay out of this.

MULDER
Just trying to--

OWEN
I'm a "Person" of bloody "Interest", all right? That's police-speak for "house guest", yeah? That means I'm in-fucking-vited. Which means I--

GWEN
Would you PLEASE stop talking, Owen?

OWEN
Would you please stop using my name? Gwen?

SCULLY
Sir?

OWEN
What?

SCULLY
Please, sir, would you mind holding the personal conversations until we can give you some privacy?

Owen's glare melts into a more genial expression. He settles back against the seat again, calmer and more compliant.

OWEN
Yeah, all right.

Scully and Gwen exchange an amused look in the rearview mirror.

INT. SWAT MILITARY VEHICLE (MOVING) - SAME

A very nervous Tosh and a ramrod-straight Ianto sit at the end of a bench in the rear of the vehicle. The SWAT guys are watching them, rifles still at the ready across their chests, suspicious and slightly annoyed.

IANTO
This could've gone better.

Tosh, ashen, nods.

EXT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - LATER

Mulder unlocks the handcuffs on Tosh. She gives a grateful, if nervous smile. Joins a newly-freed Owen, Gwen, and Ianto. Scully pockets one set of cuffs. Returns the others to the SWAT commander.

IANTO
So... Erm... Now what?

MULDER
(to Scully)
See, I knew he was going to ask me that.

SCULLY
Gentlemen? Ladies? This way, please.

INT. X-FILES OFFICE - SAME

Scully opens the door. Tries to hide her annoyance.

The Lone Gunmen (Melvin Frohike, John Fitzgerald Byers, and Richard Langly) are waiting for them.

BYERS
Mulder! You’re back awfully quick – was there a problem with Langly’s schematics?

LANGLY
The data was CLEAN, Byers. Straight pull off the security company’s back door. They still don’t –

FROHIKE
(interrupting)
Save it for later, Langly. Let the lovely Agent Scully talk.

MULDER
(to Scully)
First “attractive”, now “lovely”.

LANGLY
(to Mulder)
So did you get it?

MULDER
Not yet.

FROHIKE
I knew we should have run ops for you. What went wrong?

MULDER
Nothing.

LANGLY
Then where is it?

MULDER
We don't have it.

FROHIKE
We cannot stress how imperative it is that you find this device.

MULDER
Look, we don't have it, all right?

BYERS
Gentlemen. Please.
(to Mulder)
What happened? We need details.

SCULLY
And here I thought we were the law enforcement.

MULDER
Yeah. Me and my wacky friends.

FROHIKE
Yeah, speaking of wacky friends, who are these guys?

MULDER
To be honest, I’ve lost track.

FROHIKE
Then why are they in your office?

OWEN
We’re “Persons of Interest”.

GWEN
Owen.
(to Gunmen)
Gwen Cooper, police liaison.

She indicates the others one, one at a time.

GWEN
Owen Harper, our medical expert. Ianto Jones--

OWEN
Teaboy.

IANTO
Field Agent.

OWEN
Junior.

GWEN
Don’t be a prick, Owen. And this--

BYERS
Toshiko Sato.

Everyone looks at him. Then at Tosh.

TOSH
Have we… met?

LANGLY
Holy shit, that’s Tosh?

Langly breaks into a huge grin.

FROHIKE
That’s completely unfair. Beauty and brains in one package.

He offers her a hand.

FROHIKE
Melvin Frohike. You know me as LoneGun1. And the others are--

TOSH
LoneGuns 2 and 3?

FROHIKE
Beauty and brains.

TOSH
I hadn’t expected this.

FROHIKE
Someone like you’s in town? You should’ve. Say hello, gentlemen.

Langly, uncharacteristically warm and welcoming, shakes hands with Tosh, exchanging a kind word or two. Byers is as flustered as if he were in the presence of a supermodel. Tosh, overwhelmed, begins to preen a bit under the attention.

GWEN
Tosh? What kind of websites have you been visiting?

TOSH
Erm…

LANGLY
We could tell you, but we’d have to kill you.

TOSH
It’s conspiracy theory stuff. How d’you think I found out where the device was?

LANGLY
Tell us you have readings.

TOSH
I have readings.

GWEN
Tosh!

TOSH
What? We owe them. They’re already in on the information.
(to the Lone Gunmen)
I’ll need newer computers than the ones in here.

BYERS
This way, Miss.

OWEN
And so goes the nerd patrol.

LANGLY
Don’t mess with nerds, man.

OWEN
Or what, you’ll viciously Tweet me?

LANGLY
I’ll hack your World of Warcraft account. And advertise you as a quest at the local Horde brothel.

With harsh parting glares, the Lone Gunmen escort Tosh out. Owen takes a moment to recover his pride and his voice.

OWEN
Oh yeah? Well... same to you!

GWEN
Jealous much?

OWEN
Oh do stick a sock in it, Cooper.

Mulder, who has been rummaging in his desk, emerges with a bag of sunflower seeds.

MULDER
Seeds, anyone?

IANTO
I'm sorry?

OWEN
Sunflower seeds, you provincial. Here, toss those over.

Mulder rolls the top of the bag closed. Lobs it to Owen. Owen catches it easily. Takes a handful. Rolls the bag closed with one deft motion. Tosses it to Ianto.

Ianto eyes the bag, dubious.

OWEN
Would've thought you of all people would follow the basic rule for travellers...?

IANTO
Don't drink the water?

OWEN
When in Rome...

Ianto offers the bag to Scully, who ponders a moment, then takes some seeds. Passes it on to Gwen.

SCULLY
So, Owen. I'm curious about your team.

GWEN
HIS team?

OWEN
My team. I'm on it, therefore it's mine. Yeah. I'm the doctor.

Mulder and Scully wear matching looks of polite disbelief.

OWEN
What? I am. Doctor Owen Harper, M.D. Test samples, reach conclusions, perform autopsies.

SCULLY
Autopsies?

OWEN
Autopsies. Like when someone dies, yeah? My job to figure what killed 'em.

GWEN
When you can figure out what sex they are.

OWEN
Shut up, Gwen.

SCULLY
And you?

OWEN
P.C. Gwendolyn--

GWEN
Oi!

OWEN
--Cooper. Police liaison. Though, the only police I recall her lias-ing with was tall, blond, and fancied her.

GWEN
Lay off P.C. Andy.

OWEN
See? She even admits it.

MULDER
And you're really... a team?

OWEN
Suppose you never yanked your partner's chain.

Scully dares Mulder with a look to deny it.

MULDER
I en joy a... casual... working environment.

OWEN
(to Ianto)
Hear that? That's what a load of bollocks sounds like in American.


Previous | Next