Fic, Night Watch, 3/4: "Probes"

[loveslashangst]

Story: Night Watch
Author: The loving-her-teaching-gig, but exhausted loveslashangst
Beta: The risen-from-her-sickbed-to-post ophymirage
Characters: Ianto Jones, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper; Agents Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Director Walter Skinner
Rated: Adult for slash, innuendo, adult themes and adult content. Yeah, this is kinda what you came for. (Pun intended.)
Disclaimer: If I were the BBC, Torchwood would be late-night-cable-worthy. If I were Fox, seasons 7-9 would not have happened. Ergo...
Spoilers: Pre "Exit Wounds"? Honestly, it's AU. If there was a crossover this was spoiling, it would be awesome. :D
Summary: X-Files Meets Torchwood. Yeah, that's gonna go well.

Okay, so here’s the dealio…

It does not suck to be me. Unfortunately, that means I’ve been being Responsible. That said, I’ve beefed up the prep for class and teaching these kids I love, and haven’t been doing as much fic. BUT…

I DID have this whole thing written, but of course I just HAD to do more with the sexy-sexy slashings. Hope you don’t mind it being 4 chappies instead of 3. And then I’ll see about finishing the other stuff. (New chappie of Faithful first.) Lots of love and hugs and…

On with the show….



OWEN
(to Ianto)
Hear that? That's what a load of bollocks sounds like in American.

Scully chuckles a little. Sobers up. Looks slightly embarrassed. Gets up and sets the bag of seeds firmly back on Mulder’s desk. Owen preens at having gotten her to laugh at his joke.

MULDER
(to Ianto)
And you? Junior Field Agent?

IANTO
Bit of a dilettante, actually. I go where I'm needed. Do what's necessary.

OWEN
Makes it sound like he's the fucking enforcer. He's the Teaboy. Keeps us fed. Tidies up. Shags the boss.

IANTO/GWEN
Hey!

GWEN
Owen!

OWEN
What?

IANTO
And you, Agent... Mulder?

MULDER
Fox Mulder.

Ianto smiles. Mulder smiles back.

MULDER
Agent Scully and I are partners. We investigate crimes with a paranormal twist to them.

GWEN
Sounds like what we do.

Scully leans in a little, curious.

SCULLY
Which organization are you part of? Are you with the British government? MI5? MI6?

OWEN
Nahhhhhh. Bunch of wankers in suits, that lot. We take care of the things would turn them white and crying for mummy.

IANTO
Jack, erm, our boss Captain Harkness, is of the opinion that neither the British public –

Gwen snorts, as this is a sore spot with her.

GWEN
Nor any public.

IANTO
Is ready for what’s actually out there. And, given the nearly-universal epidemic of denial after Canary Wharf, I’m inclined to agree.

MULDER
Canary Wharf?

OWEN
(smirking)
Ask Teaboy real nice and maybe he’ll tell you.

Ianto flushes, visibly repressing the urge to glare at Owen.

OWEN
So Miss... Scully?

SCULLY
Doctor Scully, actually. I do most of the investigative medicine.

OWEN
Oh, really?

Gwen giggles around her handful of sunflower seeds. Ianto inspects the file cabinets to disguise that he's rolling his eyes.

SCULLY
Yes.

OWEN
So what you got in the pipeline? Anything strange, bizarre, and unexpected?

SCULLY
Not really, no.

MULDER
What about the body we found up near Sheboygan?

Scully's look says she'd rather Mulder shut the hell up.

SCULLY
I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Agent Mulder.

MULDER
The body? Pulled from the ice? We're supposed to be entertaining these guys, and what could be more entertaining than an assist with an autopsy?

Scully's ice-blue glare could freeze the testicles off a Yeti. Mulder, having been the recipient of many such glares over the years, ignores her blithely.

SCULLY
I'm sure I can handle it myself, Mulder.

OWEN
Just say the word and I'll be glad to eyeball it for you. Fresh eyes, maybe I'll see something you missed. Never know.

Scully looks helplessly to Ianto and Gwen, who waver.

OWEN
Oh come off it. I can guarantee you that no matter what you've got, I've seen smellier, nastier, more dangerous, weirder, and more insane. Probably on a daily basis.

MULDER
I wouldn't be so sure.

OWEN
Anyway, I'm glad to help. Show you I'm not just the obnoxious bloke who talks over everyone else.

A pointed silence from Gwen and Ianto. Scully considers Owen.

OWEN
Seriously, with my boss, if I weren't damn good at my job, he'd chuck me out and find a new sawbones.

Scully glances at Ianto for confirmation.

IANTO
Actually, Doctor Scully, he probably would.

Scully throws Gwen one more pleading look. Gwen bolts the last of her seeds, her face determined and protective. She stands, dusting her hands on her jeans.

GWEN
All right. Where are we going?

OWEN
We?

GWEN
"We". As in you, the lady doctor, and me.

OWEN
Since when are you invited?

GWEN
Since now. Doctor Scully?

Scully smiles, visibly relieved.

SCULLY
Sure. Fresh eyes.

Gwen smiles back. Scully leads the way out of the room.

OWEN
(under his breath to Gwen)
Cock blocker.

GWEN
Chaperone.

OWEN
Poh-tay-toh, poh-tah-toh.

As she leaves, Gwen flashes a smile to Mulder, who returns it, equal parts grateful and amused.

When Mulder glances up, Ianto is tidying the office.

MULDER
You don't have to do that.

IANTO
I don't mind.

Ianto scoops up the file folders on the desk. Begins to sort them with confidence. Mulder gently but firmly lays one hand over Ianto’s sorting hand.

MULDER
Sorry, but those are case files. Classified.

Ianto smiles his hallmark cute smile. Slips his hand from beneath Mulder’s. Continues to sort.

IANTO
I work for an agency outside the government, beyond the police, in a century-old base, for a man who I have strong reason to believe fell through a rift in time and space while searching for a legendary alien who's best known for saving Earth on a regular basis.

MULDER
Okay, you've got me there, but those...

Mulder trails off, realizing Ianto's sorted things perfectly.

IANTO
Compared to the messes Jack leaves at home, this is a piece of cake. Do you take coffee or tea?

Mulder recovers his surprise.

MULDER
Coffee actually, but the only stuff around here is hardly gourmet. We work a lot of strange hours.

IANTO
So do we.

Ianto leaves the room for a few minutes. Returns with a makeshift tray and two mismatched mugs of steaming coffee.

IANTO
Sorry about the presentation.

MULDER
God, that smells amazing.

IANTO
(with a half-smirk)
The way to a man’s heart is through his caffeine.

Mulder accepts a mug with a nod of thanks. Ianto takes his own mug. Perches on the corner of Mulder’s desk, leaning in a way that shows off the clean lines of his body.

Mulder sits in the chair in front of the desk, coolly amused. Takes the first lingering sip of his coffee. It leaves him slightly flushed and breathless.

MULDER
Your boss is a very lucky man.

IANTO
My boss isn’t here.

Ianto’s sip is suggestive, a look through lowered lashes. Mulder watches, noncommittal but interested.

MULDER
You have a beautiful accent.

Ianto snorts, self-deprecating.

IANTO
Would that everyone thought so. Gets me in trouble sometimes, especially if I wander too far from home.

Mulder takes another sip. Smothers a moan at how good the coffee is. Swallows hard to maintain his composure.

MULDER
Where's home?

IANTO
Cardiff. Wales.

MULDER
Southwest U.K.?

IANTO
Not so far West as Cornwall, but West enough. Beyond the Severn.

MULDER
The river that divides England from Wales?

IANTO
That’d be the one.

The two of them raise their mugs in unison. Drink together, eyes on each other. Mulder drops his gaze first. He ends up gazing at Ianto’s thigh. Tightens his fingers around the mug to stop himself from reaching out.

Ianto adjusts a little on his perch at the edge of the desk, moving subtly closer.

MULDER
So… files? At home, you must do a lot of filing to be so… efficient.

Ianto’s gaze is warm and suggestive.

IANTO
I do a great many things at home. I like to take care of people.

MULDER
Like your boss… Captain...?

IANTO
Harkness. Yes. But he’s not here right now.

Ianto buries the next line in another sip.

IANTO
And you are.

Mulder, flustered, takes another sip, his eyes locked with Ianto’s. After a moment, Mulder shakes it off again.

MULDER
How does your boss know my boss?

IANTO
Haven't the faintest. He never tells me anything.

MULDER
But you tell him everything.

There is an unspoken question in the air. Ianto's eyes are sultry.

IANTO
I tell him what he needs to know.

MULDER
Hardly sounds fair.

Ianto trails the fingers of one hand along the stack of files.

IANTO
If you knew Jack like I do, you’d think it more than fair.

Mulder's hand joins Ianto's on the files.

MULDER
So... Filing. I suppose I'd find you under "W" for "Welsh"?

IANTO
No. Under "A".

MULDER
"Atlantic"?

IANTO
"Available."

They share a chuckle as both move in for the kiss. Mulder stands, pulling Ianto up with him. The kiss is tender and seeking at first, intensifying slowly but surely.

IANTO
We won’t have much time.

Mulder cups Ianto through his trousers. A sudden flush colours Ianto’s cheeks.

MULDER
We’ll have enough.

Each man pulls the other’s shirt out of his trousers, laughing softly around the kiss. Mulder glances at the door. Pulls Ianto behind a file cabinet. Presses him to the wall. Ianto slips his hand into Mulder’s pants, his eyes locked with Mulder’s, watching every moment of his reaction. Mulder kisses him, more fiercely this time.

MULDER
What is it about you?

IANTO
Not sure, but I’ve never had any complaints.

Ianto pivots to press Mulder against the wall. Mulder curls one hand at the back of Ianto’s neck. Slips the other into his pants. Ianto’s breath stutters, though he’s smiling as he kisses Mulder again.

MULDER
This is because… my boss… ran off with your boss.

IANTO
Yes, and because you are incredibly hot.

Chuckling, Mulder wraps his hand around Ianto’s cock. Ianto returns the favour. The two of them find a mutual rhythm, a mix of stroking and kissing.

MULDER
We’re going to get caught.

IANTO
That’s why it’s fun.

Grinning, Mulder kisses him again. Never missing a stroke, Ianto reaches with his other hand into his suit pocket. Pulls out two handkerchiefs and a bottle of lubricant. Mulder is amused and aroused.

MULDER
I’d love to see your job description.

IANTO
“Be prepared for any eventuality…”

Ianto tucks the handkerchiefs under his arm. Applies the lubricant with a flourish.

IANTO
Especially those having to do with sex.

Chuckling and gasping in turns, Mulder matches Ianto stroke for stroke.

Ianto leans close so his lips are right at Mulder’s ear.

IANTO
I could tell you the truth.

Mulder shivers in spite of himself.

MULDER
I want to believe...

Ianto nips at Mulder’s earlobe, sending another shiver through him.

IANTO
Shall I tell you…?

Mulder’s free hand tightens on Ianto’s shoulder.

MULDER
Please.

Ianto chuckles. Shivers pleasantly, smiling at Mulder’s touch. He kisses and tongues his way along Mulder’s jaw. Mulder, breathing hard, tips his head back in surrender.

IANTO
We’ll start with Canary Wharf…

Ianto nips and nibbles at Mulder’s ear. Murmurs secrets in a voice so low only Mulder can hear. Ianto’s hand speeds until Mulder can’t concentrate enough to return suit. Mulder bites back moans and cries, desperate not to miss a word Ianto says.

MULDER
Please, I won’t be able to--

Ianto obligingly covers Mulder’s mouth with his free hand. Mulder clings to him, body tense with need and anticipation. Ianto’s murmur is a steady hum of forbidden knowledge. He brings Mulder closer and closer to the brink.

Mulder fists his hands in the shoulders of Ianto’s coat. Arches hard against him. The hand over his mouth muffles his final cry as he comes hard. Ianto is ready with one of his handkerchiefs.

Mulder gasps for air when Ianto takes his hand away. Reaches with uncoordinated hands to cup Ianto’s face. Kisses him somewhat untidily. Leans back against the wall, resting his head against it.

IANTO
All right, Agent?

MULDER
Very.
(realizes)
But you…?

Ianto takes Mulder’s hand (the one that had been stroking Ianto’s cock a few moments ago). Raises it to Mulder’s lips.

IANTO
Taste.

Mulder, still trying to recover his breathing, darts a lick. Hums approval.

IANTO
If Jack’s to be believed, everyone perceives it a bit differently. Always tasted of dark chocolate to me.

The unspoken suggestion hangs in the air. Mulder chuckles.

MULDER
Just give me a minute.

He kisses Ianto with a mix of gratitude and possessiveness. Ianto kisses back, careful and testing at first, then stronger and stronger. Mulder matches him again. Pivots so it’s Ianto who’s pressed against the wall. Hooks his thumbs in Ianto’s pants. Pulls slowly downward.

Ianto’s cock is hard and pulsing against his belly. His gaze is slightly feral, his cheeks flushed with barely-repressed want.

Mulder smiles.

MULDER
Dark chocolate?

IANTO
It’s different for everyone.

MULDER
Mind if I have another taste?

IANTO
Oh yes, please.

It’s Ianto’s turn to shiver as Mulder drops to his knees. Ianto covers his own mouth to smother the moan as Mulder draws him deep.

INT. CLOSET IN THE MANSION – SAME

Jack pulls Skinner into the closet. Slams the door closed. Outside, alarms blare.

SKINNER
Goddammit, Jack!

JACK
It wasn’t supposed to be—

SKINNER
But it was.

Jack takes a small device from his pocket. Shakes it hard. It hums. Outside, the alarms quiet.

SKINNER
What’s that?

JACK
A way to buy us some time.

SKINNER
More alien tech? I thought—

JACK
I am not going to argue with you right now. Especially when you’re wrong.

SKINNER
I am not wrong.

JACK
We have time --

SKINNER
We’re trapped in a closet.

Jack stares, amused.

JACK
Seriously? You’re going to give me a line like that, and then expect me to behave myself?

Skinner struggles to get around Jack. Ends up nose to nose with him. Jack leans forward a little. Skinner is breathless. Jack smiles.

SKINNER
Don’t even start with me, Jack.

Jack backs up the one step the closet will allow him.

JACK
Wouldn’t dream of it.

SKINNER
Call your team.

JACK
Already texted.

SKINNER
When?

JACK
Had it ready. One-touch sending.

SKINNER
You had a text ready that you’d be locked in a closet.

JACK
I had a text ready that I’d be in trouble and need extraction. They should be here in a matter of minutes. This device will disguise our heat signatures and fool the alarms. We just need to sit tight.

Jack brushes up against Skinner again. Skinner’s eyes go dark with lust and anger. With a muffled curse, he catches a hand at the back of Jack’s head. Pulls him in. Jack goes willingly to the kiss. Puts up only enough of a fight to arouse Skinner more.

SKINNER
I hate you.

JACK
I get that a lot.

The kiss is vicious. Biting. Two alpha males fighting for dominance. Jack throws just enough of his punches that Skinner can dominate the kiss.

JACK
I’ve missed you.

SKINNER
Shut up.

Skinner slams Jack against the back wall of the closet. Throws himself at Jack

SKINNER
This never happened.

JACK
Yes, sir.

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